Vacation Blues...or Just LIFE Blues
Last week I went on vacation to Orlando, Florida. I stayed at a Disney resort for 3 days, then 2 days with my sister who lives out in Kissimmee. (And I can just say how much I hate Kissirico...too many hispanics..i am not too fond of my own kind...so much so that when most people assume im brazilian or portuguese, I mostly don’t correct them. So sue me). Getting back to my vacation, I am one of those full-fledged Disney card carrying members...like I LOVE DISNEY. To the point of obsession. I’ve previously been there in 1999, 2004, 2005 and 2006. Since its been 6 years since I last went, I was fully expecting things to have changed dramatically. New rides, improvements on old ones, updated resorts, etc. I was then very disappointed to see that not much had changed since I last went. There were no new rides since I last went and although they are working on some things, including updating Fantasyland in Magic Kingdom, those things are still in process and I wonder how much they will be updated anyways. About the only ride that was somewhat updated was Spaceship Earth (Epcot- or the “golf ball thingy” as one tourist called it). The resorts all seem to be in desperate need of makeovers. Im considering writing them a letter. Like get it together DISNEY. Universal IS HOT ON YOUR ASS! And also hey Disney, not everyone who goes to Disney is 5 years old. How about catering to us ADULTS every now and then. We're the ones shelling out the big money.
I found myself on more than one occasion wishing that I was at Universal instead. And when you are at Disney pining for Universal, well that doesn’t say very good things about Disney, does it. Even my fave rides Tower of Terror and Pirates of the Caribbean didn’t do much for me this time around. I found myself bored to tears on Pirates. Like I cant even explain how much I used to LOVE this ride...BIG factor on why I love the movies so much, that and & johnny depp’s hot ass. I wonder then, is it just me? Have I become such a jaded bitter bitch that not even Disney can work its magical charm on me? Everything sort of had an anti-climactic feel to it. I just was not as happy and excited as on prior trips. I mean the 2005 trip in particular, was right after I had just found out that The One Who Got Away was engaged to be married. I received the news hours before boarding the flight to Florida and I wept and cried and sobbed all the way to Florida. But the moment I stepped foot in Disney, the tears magically stopped and my broken heart was forgotten, albeit temporarily. That’s how powerful the Disney effect USED to be. This time around, I found myself getting sad while AT Disney. I was walking around Magic Kingdom of all places, the most magical place on earth, when a wave of nostalgic weepy wistfulness and a feeling of complete aloneness engulfed me. My son was with me during the Disney trip but he had decided to take a break and stay back at the resort that night, so I went to Magic Kingdom alone. And walking around all by myself, surrounded by husbands and wives, entire families....oh god, I just felt like the loneliest girl on the planet. Seeing all the little kids (usually an effective birth control for me, well because i hate bratty little kids)made me soooo sad because I realized...im probably never going to experience that again. And now....well now...like everything else in my life, I kinda think I may possibly want it. Kindasortaidontknow. it was at this particular moment of my pity party (like seriously who the fuck has a pity party at the fucking MAGIC KINGDOM OF ALL MOTHER EFFIN PLACES!!!???) that my mofo ex decided to text me. I instantly felt 100 times better. Because at least someone was thinking of me, even if it was only a mofo loserlooking for an easy lay. That is how LONELY and PATHETIC I felt. So that was my Disney trip in a nutshell. Maybe I was expecting too much from it this time. I did enjoy it, it just felt different. Like revisiting the past and knowing it will never be like that again. I came home Saturday and had another bout of the blues. I just feel sooo sad lately. My life is really empty. I miss my son terribly. I hate coming home to an empty house. I hate that I have no one to share my life with. No one to tell me to SIT DOWN when im being an annoying bitch. I get tired of putting myself on time out. Can someone else please do it.
On an unrelated but somewhat interesting sidenote. I was rereading my journals from 2008 and I stumbled across this little gem I wrote....”better to be [MOFO EX)’s whore than [OLD FRIEND]’s wife!”
WOW. just....wow. can I just kick my own ass right now? Old Friend is now getting married to some ugly wizard of oz scarecrow looking bitch and all I have is mofo ex trying to get me to be his #1 bootie call....ugh. sometimes....our words....just damn us don’t they. I can only wish that I was the one marrying Old Friend. I’d happily marry him and SIT DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP and never complain AGAIN. Too late now. Karma, you bitch....you always make me pay down to the last cent.
I found myself on more than one occasion wishing that I was at Universal instead. And when you are at Disney pining for Universal, well that doesn’t say very good things about Disney, does it. Even my fave rides Tower of Terror and Pirates of the Caribbean didn’t do much for me this time around. I found myself bored to tears on Pirates. Like I cant even explain how much I used to LOVE this ride...BIG factor on why I love the movies so much, that and & johnny depp’s hot ass. I wonder then, is it just me? Have I become such a jaded bitter bitch that not even Disney can work its magical charm on me? Everything sort of had an anti-climactic feel to it. I just was not as happy and excited as on prior trips. I mean the 2005 trip in particular, was right after I had just found out that The One Who Got Away was engaged to be married. I received the news hours before boarding the flight to Florida and I wept and cried and sobbed all the way to Florida. But the moment I stepped foot in Disney, the tears magically stopped and my broken heart was forgotten, albeit temporarily. That’s how powerful the Disney effect USED to be. This time around, I found myself getting sad while AT Disney. I was walking around Magic Kingdom of all places, the most magical place on earth, when a wave of nostalgic weepy wistfulness and a feeling of complete aloneness engulfed me. My son was with me during the Disney trip but he had decided to take a break and stay back at the resort that night, so I went to Magic Kingdom alone. And walking around all by myself, surrounded by husbands and wives, entire families....oh god, I just felt like the loneliest girl on the planet. Seeing all the little kids (usually an effective birth control for me, well because i hate bratty little kids)made me soooo sad because I realized...im probably never going to experience that again. And now....well now...like everything else in my life, I kinda think I may possibly want it. Kindasortaidontknow. it was at this particular moment of my pity party (like seriously who the fuck has a pity party at the fucking MAGIC KINGDOM OF ALL MOTHER EFFIN PLACES!!!???) that my mofo ex decided to text me. I instantly felt 100 times better. Because at least someone was thinking of me, even if it was only a mofo loser
On an unrelated but somewhat interesting sidenote. I was rereading my journals from 2008 and I stumbled across this little gem I wrote....”better to be [MOFO EX)’s whore than [OLD FRIEND]’s wife!”
WOW. just....wow. can I just kick my own ass right now? Old Friend is now getting married to some ugly wizard of oz scarecrow looking bitch and all I have is mofo ex trying to get me to be his #1 bootie call....ugh. sometimes....our words....just damn us don’t they. I can only wish that I was the one marrying Old Friend. I’d happily marry him and SIT DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP and never complain AGAIN. Too late now. Karma, you bitch....you always make me pay down to the last cent.
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