2012 wrap up...

 what can i say about this year.  was definitely better than 2011 in many ways.  was very productive and got a lot of things done.  discovered a lot of things about myself and those around me.  overall it was not a bad year.  i guess the only bad thing is that most of the year had an anti-climactic feel to it, a been there done that, tired of it all kinda feeling.  life has lost its joy, its meaning.  im not sure why maybe that is just part of growing up.  or maybe we all go through these phases and this too shall pass.   this past holiday season felt so flat and dead i half wondered if i was still alive.  at times it seems im not even breathing.  like my heart has stopped.  i couldn’t begin to tell ya what is causing this.  maybe i did turn to stone.  maybe my soul is dying.  maybe we all need to have something to believe in.  a god to pray to.  something to cling to.  i have nothing.  no hope, no love, no god.  and not that im sad about it, because im not sad, more like flat-lined.  i am disappointed that this is all life amounts to.  that there isnt more to it…we live, we cry we laugh, we die.  over and over again.  what then, makes life truly worth living.  is it as simple and  cliched as hope faith and love.  and when you no longer believe in those trite platitudes, what then.  maybe 2013 will bring those answers.  just my final thoughts for the 2012.  may we each find the answers we are seeking and within those answers, a reason to hold on.  a reason to live.  

also, this may be one of the last blogs i write since there is no point in writing the same thing over and over and also no one bothers to read it anyways.  unless something major happens.  till then.