Be careful what you wish for...

Okay so the raging hormonal bitch has gone back to sleep…for another 3 weeks.  Now I just feel melancholy.  I paid someone over the weekend to bring my cat to the shelter and as much as it had to be done, it was still a difficult thing to do.  I am not completely heartless .  But its done and I don’t think I want another pet ever again or at least unless it’s a nice one and I have the time and money to take care of it. 

anyways, moving on.  Another thing making me melancholy and moody is all the changes I’ve been going through.  Moving out of the home I spent the last 9 years in.  Not having my son around.  My dad in a nursing home.  Still no friends at my job, even though I've been there a little over a year now.  Meeting only ugly horny mofos.  Even disney couldn’t lift my spirits this year and that is a first.  Im also melancholy over the fact that Old Friend is getting married and NOT to me, even though I had my chance with him for a long time and I didn’t want it.  Realized too late what a gem he was.  Now its late and he’s happy and getting married this fall.  That could’ve been me.  I hate me sometimes.  Years of waiting for someone to show up and he was right in front of me all along but I was too blind to see.  Sounds like a movie only in the movie version, I’d be much hotter of course (like Penelope cruz hot...god I love her...full-blown girl crush on ms. Cruz-I’d marry her in a second.  In my fantasy though, there’d no frisky business, sorry mofos, but there’d be lots of bitching (in Spanglish) and drinking wine and fighting over hot mofos-I’d think we could be quite happy actually).  and of course the movie version of Old Friend would be way hotter too….like  michael Fassbender HOT.  And even if I waited till the absolute last second to tell him how I felt, he would get mad for a little bit, we’d verbally spar, then he’d realize that even though i'd be nothing but a bitchy thorn in his ass,  he just cannot live without me, and we’d fall into each other’s arms, kissing as the screen fades to black, love song pumping in the background (In And Out of Love by Armin van Buren-that would be the main theme of the movie actually ).  And if this was fassbender, well of course he’d be NAKED.  Throughout the whole movie.  I mean, he should be naked 24/7 and if you don’t know what I mean, go see SHAME right now.  That man was born to be naked.  Well this aint a movie and it sure as hell wouldn’t go anything close to that.  choices were made, and those choices need to be respected.  And my bratty ass just has to accept that he has moved on….   I had my turn for a long time and I cant just cut in line because I was too busy pining over mofos to realize it was my turn.  C’est la vie.  why did it take me 11 years to see him in that way.  I think in my defense, I had to date a lot of mofos to be able to appreciate the good ones.  The down side of that is by the time I matured in my tastes, well I matured in everything else too.  And all the good guys are gone, they’re all taken.  Nothing but mofos left.  Spend my life chasing mofos and now that is all I have left and oh, what I’d give now for a nice guy.  The irony.  So…I suppose I must settle into this single spinster life.  without a man,  kids, or even the damn cat.   Just me and my wine.  An occasional ugly horny mofo to keep me company.  Visions of  naked fassy dancing in my head. 

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Isn’t that what I always wanted???  Why then…do I feel so empty..in the end, I got what I wished for….an ISLAND unto MYSELF..