sorting out the mofos..

Revising this with new updates, some of these I honestly cant remember who they were.

Old Friend should not be confused with The One Who Got Away nor with, heaven forbid, Mofo ex.  Actually MOFO ex just got a promotion to capital MOFO.  Old Friend is just that, an old friend-someone I grew up with and who used to crush on me but I always looked at him like a brother.  Probably my closest friend, like ever.  He lives out of state now so its not like we’re still besties but we kept in contact throughout the years.  He’s been my shoulder to cry on for a lot of the mofo shenanigans I’ve had to endure over the years.  He’s seen me at my best and my worst (im talking ugly cry here) and he’s loved me throughout all of it.  Wish I could’ve appreciated that before it was too late.  He’s getting married this fall. 2021 Update:  I've come to realize that Old Friend was probably my true soul mate and the real One Who Got Away and not the other one I named that.  Old Friend did get married, is still very much married and has 2 children with his wife. I miss him and wish I had seen him for the gem he was way back then when we still had a chance.  I spoke to him last year briefly.  

The One Who Got Away was a shy sweet guy from my church I used to crush on and whom I believe was my actual soulmate.  He married some woman he was not in love with out of sheer pity, or so I like to imagine, but they are now happy and seem in love or something close to it.  Which kills me every time I think about it.  because....obviously...I still have feelings for him, never mind that its been 6 years since he married. 2021 Update: This was the guy I crushed on, whom I never dated.  He got divorced several years ago, and I briefly tried to connect with him on social media but he was not interested and that was that.  I now see he and I would never have been compatible considering how vastly different our lives turned out to be.  Nothing more to say here.

MOFO ex is baby daddy and loser deadbeat mofo from hell.  Who cant seem to leave me alone.  Also MOFO ex is not the same as The Beast.  I’ve rarely mentioned The Beast here on this blog, so lets just keep it that way.  he is out of my life FOR GOOD and thank the heavens for that.  because as much of a loser as MOFO ex is, he still not as bad as The Beast.  NO one can take The Beast down in sheer pure MOFONESS.  NO ONE. 2021 Update:  MOFO Ex did finally leave me alone, after we briefly reconnected several years back.  He is also married to a woman who was not even 18 when they started dating (he was in his 40s).  We dont speak these days.

Blind date Mofo was the blind date a friend set me up on months ago.  He was the one who showed me his goodies on our first date, which…I mean..i didn’t ask to see them and I wasn’t aware that kissing a guy is now code for I WANT TO SEE YOUR COCK RIGHT NOW MOFO!!!   that was the end of that but he did pursue me for several months until he finally got the hint, realized I had no intention of ever hanging with him again, because NO,  and he moved on.  I do not suffer mofos lightly.  2021 Update: no clue who this was.

Horny Mover Mofo is the most recent one, he helped me move and was all nice and well-behaved that day (probably because I looked ratchety as my niece would say), then got somewhat flirty over texting after viewing my facebook photos.  He actually called me hot in one photo which I showed the photo to my sister and we had a good laugh about it because….while yes, I do look nice in the pic, I most definitely do NOT look HOT.  Middle-aged mom, maybe slightly milfish, is more like it.  So.  we concluded MOFO is HORNY.   which would be fine if he was actually fuckable.  But unless I go through a long dry spell and get extra horny, I mean…I just cant see it happening.  Also I did run into him again at my old place and mofo just walked into my condo without knocking and then proceeded to get very much IN MY SPACE…like motherfucker you better respect my fucking BOUNDARIES!!!  I was wearing a flared skirt that day, bare legs, flimsy undies, so total easy access if he wanted to throw down which Im not saying he would be so horny as to throw down without my permission (then again, he’s not American and maybe in his country that’s just how they roll) but the thought did cross my mind as we were talking because he was ALL IN MY SPACE and eyeing me like mofo was hungry and wanted to take a bite out of me and it made me extremely uncomfortable…sooo..my reaction to his texts was dead on.  just wanted to point out that I was right.  SIT DOWN Horny mofo.  2021 Update: eww i remember this one.  We never crossed paths again, thank goodness.

Im missing a few here.  Like The Beast.  Who I did reconnect with around the time I met Pinocchio and I briefly used him to make Pino a tiny bit jealous.  But mostly The Beast and I had to close out our story, and to that end, he did give me a very tearful apology, we made peace and went our separate ways and that was that.  

Vanilla Boy, would you believe Mr. Vanilla STILL tries to hook up with me after all these years.  Currently I have him blocked because every now and then, he just wont leave me alone.  He  is on EVERY online dating site so the second I get on one, there he comes, with his "ahh i see you're single again" and then i have to block him all over again.  he seems to change his number all the time.  

so that’s all the mofos for now, not a whole lot.