YOLO/FML

Oh god…do you really want to know what I did this past weekend.  Well the above pic is the only tame pic I took.  Put it that way.  So much for SITTING myself DOWN.  sooo lets rewind but warning, this is gonna be a long one.  On Friday I ended up working late on a big project at work, and afterwards felt like needed a drink.  I had originally planned for a quiet evening on the couch with a book and perhaps a cup of tea.  So much for that.  So I invited some of my besties over for a drink/chat.  So there we all are at my place drinking it up.  Somehow we started texting mofos, and somehow the texting got out of control.  Im talking dirty pics, dirty mofo talk.  It was mostly me doing the texting, egged on my drunk friends…and our motto, YOLO (you only live once).  We were texting the last couple of mofos I’ve been dealing which are HORNY Mover Mofo (who lived up to his name thereby getting a promotion to capital HORNY), Blind Date Mofo, and MOFO ex.  Starting with MOFO ex, who at someone’s suggestion, I texted to come over.  He ignored me (smart move) since he was probably mad at me because he always has his panties in a bunch.  Mind you, we only asked him to come over so we could laugh at him if and when he showed up.  Even though he clearly was not game (as I had warned  the group he wouldn’t be) that did not stop one of the girls from taking his number off my cell and then dirty texting him the rest of the night.  He seem quite annoyed but he had no clue who it was.  This ended up becoming a big bratty brouhaha after the fact, but that is a blog for another time.  Suffice to say, MOFO ex will not be talking to me anytime soon and goodbye goodriddance to rubbish is what I say.  Getting back to my YOLO story, so I ended up texting HORNY Mover Mofo and Blind Date Mofo.  Lots of dirty texting back and forth, sending naughty pics, getting them horned up, while we laughed our asses off at their responses.  This is how we entertained ourselves, at the expense of my MOFOS.  At some point we piled into my friend’s car, and cruised around, taking tit pics, and just having a grand ole time.  We ended up at some hole in the wall gay club thanks to one of our group who is very sexually confused at this time.  At some point, I told Blind Date Mofo that I was horny and that he should pay me a visit.  Mofo lives in the Bronx and he took the first train outta there and ended up at my door about 2 hours later.  I mean, I was pretty mean to this guy when I cut him off, which he STILL would not shut up about, that I hurt his feelings, blah, blah, blah.  Yet here I call him for a random fuck, and he comes RUNNING.  Walks through my door and gets naked and starts dancing.  I swear I feel like my life is a movie sometimes. (except this mofo was most definitely NOT fassbender so put that thing away).  Fassbender or not, we totally got down and I have to say he was not too bad.  Actually the most decent lay I’ve had in awhile because last one was MOFO ex and im sure I’ve mentioned just how LOUSY he is.  Like so bad its embarrassing yet mofo has delusions of him being one of the best.  AS IF! SIT DOWN motherfucker!  blind date mofo actually came off looking pretty damn good by comparison.   Afterwards though, mofo would NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP.  Mofo kept yip yapping away, mofo serenaded me, mofo kept touching me, mofo watched me sleep, and just generally made a nuisance of himself till I could take no more of his fucking nonsense and I had to kick him to the curb. Told him ‘trains are running now, get the fuck out, you don’t shut up and I don’t feel well and must sleep.’  Look on his face was …I believe word is crestfallen.  Later on, I did feel bad and I apologized to him.  After all, he is kinda sweet and had wanted to make me breakfast and take me to Coney Island and and sparkles and rainbow blah, blah, but I was all like MOFO GET OUT!  I NEED TO SLEEP!!!  Im so used to being alone, I cant stand a mofo sleeping over unless I have strong feelings of love/infatuation.  And I def don’t see any long-term potential there but if I ever need a strictly bootie call, he will definitely be first choice.  Might need to invest in some ear plugs though.  As for HORNY Mover Mofo, well he kept texting me even though I told him I was with someone else.  Now he wont leave me alone, probably shouldn’t have sent him that tit pic.  He keeps texting me asking me if im horny.  I told him MOFO I AM SOBER, stop asking me that shit!!!  I’ve been quite rude and short with him since then and he still doesn’t get it.  which is just typical mofo behavior.  They do not give a fuck how badly you treat them so long as they still have a chance of getting it.  that’s ALL mofos care about.  Soo, that’s why Im never nice to a mofo.  Its wasted on them.  they don’t care anyways!

So yea, YOLO all night Friday..  and then Saturday…OHNO!  all I can say is, I think im just so bored with my life, being all ultra conservative  at work, having no friends there and no worthy romantic prospects….you know the saying all work and no play…makes johnny go cray-cray…or something to that effect.. IM TIRED OF PLAYING IT SAFE.  I need more excitement in my life before I get too old to YOLO anymore.  Yea that’s it.  Im also at my sexual peak, I need a MAN, a worthy MAN that I can actually date long-term and not these fucking loserMOFOS who outside of a random drunk hookup, there of absolutely no use to me.    till that happens, I guess I’ll be wasting time with the mofos.  Nothing  else to do but accept that as my fate and punishment for some transgression I committed in this life or a past one. 

Sometimes I don’t even recognize me anymore.